Being Exposed to the “Mean Reds”

This is an open letter for anyone who deals with depression or anxiety or is “having the mean reds” this is quoted by my all time favorite book “Breakfast at Tiffany’s. You don’t have to be constantly up all the time. By up I mean always smiling always being on point. We are not perfect; I can attest to that. We work hard, but sometimes our hard work isn’t always reflected by the work that we do. Everything that we want isn’t always given to us no matter how much we try. We have limitations even though we are constantly reminded that the sky is the limit. I am not here to bring you down. I am here to tell you that it is okay to set goals and reach for the universe, but to also realize that life has a lot of bumps and obstacles and sometimes the thing that is meant to be isn’t what you are destined to have.

As a college student, I feel like I am constantly evolving I know myself and what I want in life and trust me I work hard to get it. There are many moments where I stay in on a Friday night and dedicate my time studying and sometimes all the time and dedication isn’t always reflective with the grade that I receive. It brings me down, but at the same time it gives me a challenge and I work five times as hard to make that happen. I wish that I wasn’t so afraid of failing. When I do fail I wish I could be more positive, but sometimes failing brings me down and I question what I did wrong? How can I overcome this? Will this impact my future? All these questions resonate within me and it starts getting to me. In the exterior, people sometimes see me as this very extrovert, involved, hard working, studious girl who has the world in the palm of her hands. I even get comments like “you are Genesis” when I share how I doubt I did well on an exam. Now, at times I am conflicted. Sometimes I feel happy that people see me as studious and hard working, but the other feeling causes some weirdness. I am not perfect and just because I am Genesis doesn’t put me in some kind of pedestal or that I have never messed up. I have messed up constant amount of times, but I learn from my mistakes and it makes me grow. That being said I have pressure from the outside in being on point and in always succeeding. I have accepted that I have flaws, but I still struggle with failure. I have this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson posted in my wall “The success is in never failing, but rising up every time we fail.” This quote has been with me throughout my college career. It’s my phone background. Failing is a constant battle-an inner struggle. My failure can result in falling into a depressive state or cause anxiety. Sometimes I lose the battle and I fall into anxiety or the mean reds. Instead of blues, Capote illustrated it in his novel as “reds.” Depression and anxiety can result from different things and if it is severe I suggest to seek help; there is medication that you can take. Depression shouldn’t be something that should be stigmatized as wrong or bad. Some people are more susceptible than others and it can arise from something big or small. I think that the best thing to do is seek help either with people you trust or someone who is licensed to help. I hope that you have a support system that is here for you for whatever you may need. This helps me when I am feeling sad, lonely, upset, angry, or all in between. It’s good to talk to someone just have them listen to you because all those bottled up feelings could result in something even more upsetting. Know that there is no such thing as perfection even though we strife to be flawless as evidenced by the hashtag.

Just remember that you are strong and have overcome so much in your life. I wish that I could encourage everyone and support them and to go through their emotional state and for them to feel that they can be happy and hopeful again. But until we have a time space continuum where people could be at multiple places at the same time I will contribute with this blog post. I am trusting you Science make it happen. Feeling hopeless is such a sad thing. Feeling like you don’t matter or feeling lost is scary. There are so many people who don’t have a chance to be your age. Life should be seen beautifully. We have so much to look forward to and we should be excited for the unknown. Even the most positive and optimistic people may lose the battle, but they conquer it in the end because they have people who support them and acknowledge who they are as an individual.

I hope that these encouraging words and my story show you that you aren’t alone and there is always going to be people who listen. Anxiety and depression is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. You are strong. YOU CAN overcome this.

Best,

Genesis Diaz

 

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