no books have
~Rupi Kaur Milk and Honey
no books have
~Rupi Kaur Milk and Honey
Dear whomever is reading this if you have not experienced being in love let me be the one to tell you that I have not either. If you have experienced love hopefully you agree with some of my thoughts and if you don’t let me know in the comments section below. I am not in love and I am okay with that. I believe in fate and destiny. It hasn’t been within my present situation to have a certain emotional connection to someone. I don’t feel pressured to be with someone because I am happy being on my own. I know that whenever it happens I will embrace it and hopefully be ready. I am open to the idea of love, but right now I am selfish. My time is to precious for me to share my time with someone else. I FEEL that when it happens, it will happen and it’s something that even I won’t be able to reject.
Here is my perspective of what love is and the implications that love has in one’s emotional state. For all things, love can be sometimes scary. Love is about being vulnerable and demonstrating all your feelings toward one person. Vulnerability may not always be so easy because you are showing your true self even the things that you may not always like about yourself. In addition, because you are in love you are susceptible to having your heart broken and that that is scary for anyone. Some people put up walls so that they don’t become as emotionally invested for the fear of being let down or betrayed. Vulnerability breaks down those walls and you are left with your true self. Even a friendship I would argue takes vulnerability, but in a relationship it involves multiple different layers. There is a deeper emotional connection. It’s showing the good, the bad, and the embarrassing to that person and being okay that they love you for it.
It is okay to feel vulnerable; you are not letting your guard down. You are just opening yourself to someone and trusting that person. People who are strong willed sometimes, see vulnerability as weakness. Vulnerability should not be a weakness people should see it as strength because you are opening up yourself to someone.
We live in a world with mixed signals where people show affection by sending a text rather than giving a hug. That text could be a way that may show an emotional attraction, but it could also just be a simple checking up on you text. The new word of “talking” has formed as a way for a person to get to know someone else. Its an interest among both parties to start something. There is some vulnerability that occurs during this stage, but the only form of communication isn’t well since a relationship one hopes is more than text messages. There are so many ways to interpret a text message that we never truly know the reasoning behind it, unless the person tells you directly what they were trying to say. We are constantly plugged into our technology with no repercussions, but our own thoughts.
Love can emerge from childhood to friendships to caring about a person in a deeper level. I also think being in love is so beautiful because you are no longer on your own. You get to share everything with your significant other. With your partner, your goals become “our” goals. Your wants become each other’s needs. You don’t abandon who you are, but I think your significant other brings out the best in you and you bring out the best in him or at least that is what I hope that you want from them. “True love isn’t easy if it were easy we’d all have it” quoted by Snow White in my favorite show Once Upon A Time. I believe every word of that quote it comes from the most unexpected places and it finds you rather than you seeking for it. So be patient because the person that you are destined to be with will either find you or you will find him/her.
With love at times comes lust I have seen this from certain acquaintances. There is this ideology that you cannot live without the other person and need to be with that person 24/7 in order to be all right. Lust can become an obsession, which is dangerous. Lust could at times be disguised as love, but don’t think it is. Lust is unhealthy. You should care for yourself and then be able to care for your significant other. Lust only occurs for a certain time period, but then it ends and you are left with an uneasy feeling. We often associate lust in a relationship as the “honeymoon stage,” but it may depend on the relationship. It fades between the third or fourth month and then that is when the challenge emerges because of course there will be discussions and arguments. You are still learning about your person, and neither of you are perfect. It’s part of being in a relationship accepting the “uniqueness” of each other rather than seeing them as flaws or imperfections.
There is a constant saying that goes around when dealing with love “emotions are clouding your judgment.” It is implied that the person isn’t thinking rationally because they have their heart and emotion into it. Most of the times it has to do with problems in a relationship and the person is blinded by certain things in their partner because they are in love and cannot see it. This as well depends on the relationship. In psychology, we learn that affect and logic can sometimes be related to each other rather than always seeing them as separate. There is an interesting dichotomy within emotion and logic. Affect can help us with how we think and vice versa. So the next time you are questioning your emotions logic and rationality does play a role.
What I want people to get out of this blog post is for readers to see that being vulnerable is a part of love. That before you can learn to love others you should love yourself. That love is not easy and it’s a challenge that one-way or another we will have to face. That it is okay to be on your own until you feel ready to share your life with the other person. Also, that you should not feel pressured to be in a relationship remember that the most important relationship that you should have is with yourself. You should first know your wants, needs, goals, and who you are. It is okay to be selfish no one should judge you for it.
This is an open letter for anyone who deals with depression or anxiety or is “having the mean reds” this is quoted by my all time favorite book “Breakfast at Tiffany’s. You don’t have to be constantly up all the time. By up I mean always smiling always being on point. We are not perfect; I can attest to that. We work hard, but sometimes our hard work isn’t always reflected by the work that we do. Everything that we want isn’t always given to us no matter how much we try. We have limitations even though we are constantly reminded that the sky is the limit. I am not here to bring you down. I am here to tell you that it is okay to set goals and reach for the universe, but to also realize that life has a lot of bumps and obstacles and sometimes the thing that is meant to be isn’t what you are destined to have.
As a college student, I feel like I am constantly evolving I know myself and what I want in life and trust me I work hard to get it. There are many moments where I stay in on a Friday night and dedicate my time studying and sometimes all the time and dedication isn’t always reflective with the grade that I receive. It brings me down, but at the same time it gives me a challenge and I work five times as hard to make that happen. I wish that I wasn’t so afraid of failing. When I do fail I wish I could be more positive, but sometimes failing brings me down and I question what I did wrong? How can I overcome this? Will this impact my future? All these questions resonate within me and it starts getting to me. In the exterior, people sometimes see me as this very extrovert, involved, hard working, studious girl who has the world in the palm of her hands. I even get comments like “you are Genesis” when I share how I doubt I did well on an exam. Now, at times I am conflicted. Sometimes I feel happy that people see me as studious and hard working, but the other feeling causes some weirdness. I am not perfect and just because I am Genesis doesn’t put me in some kind of pedestal or that I have never messed up. I have messed up constant amount of times, but I learn from my mistakes and it makes me grow. That being said I have pressure from the outside in being on point and in always succeeding. I have accepted that I have flaws, but I still struggle with failure. I have this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson posted in my wall “The success is in never failing, but rising up every time we fail.” This quote has been with me throughout my college career. It’s my phone background. Failing is a constant battle-an inner struggle. My failure can result in falling into a depressive state or cause anxiety. Sometimes I lose the battle and I fall into anxiety or the mean reds. Instead of blues, Capote illustrated it in his novel as “reds.” Depression and anxiety can result from different things and if it is severe I suggest to seek help; there is medication that you can take. Depression shouldn’t be something that should be stigmatized as wrong or bad. Some people are more susceptible than others and it can arise from something big or small. I think that the best thing to do is seek help either with people you trust or someone who is licensed to help. I hope that you have a support system that is here for you for whatever you may need. This helps me when I am feeling sad, lonely, upset, angry, or all in between. It’s good to talk to someone just have them listen to you because all those bottled up feelings could result in something even more upsetting. Know that there is no such thing as perfection even though we strife to be flawless as evidenced by the hashtag.
Just remember that you are strong and have overcome so much in your life. I wish that I could encourage everyone and support them and to go through their emotional state and for them to feel that they can be happy and hopeful again. But until we have a time space continuum where people could be at multiple places at the same time I will contribute with this blog post. I am trusting you Science make it happen. Feeling hopeless is such a sad thing. Feeling like you don’t matter or feeling lost is scary. There are so many people who don’t have a chance to be your age. Life should be seen beautifully. We have so much to look forward to and we should be excited for the unknown. Even the most positive and optimistic people may lose the battle, but they conquer it in the end because they have people who support them and acknowledge who they are as an individual.
I hope that these encouraging words and my story show you that you aren’t alone and there is always going to be people who listen. Anxiety and depression is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. You are strong. YOU CAN overcome this.
Countless amounts of times we are looked down upon because we aren’t wearing the trendiest outfit, or don’t look a certain way, or don’t fit the exact stereotypical image. It’s so important for you to know that YOU are strong and beautiful in your own way. It doesn’t matter how many times we are put down by others as long as we know who we are and comfortable with our own skin. If you know your own worth than you should not care by the comments or the other voices that linger in your head.
A lot of beauty comes from the mind. It makes us think what beauty really is. The Oxford English Dictionary defines beauty as “A combination of qualities such as shape, color, or form that pleases the aesthetic senses.” Aesthetics is how one sees art. The quote “true beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is very important, but people are more blinded by the intricacies than seeing the full picture. We are blinded by the details and don’t focus on the artwork at hand. I am writing this post as my contribution to helping out to the people who have ever lost confidence and don’t see themselves as beautiful and that at times hate themselves for looking as a certain way. Again I reiterate that YOU are beautiful. I understand that hearing this from a stranger maybe odd and it won’t immediately make you love yourself. I hope that by the end of this post you realize that you are more than just the exterior and beauty shape-shifts into many different forms.
I also wanted to write this blog post because I feel as the accepted image of beauty is taking over. You may wonder what is the accepted image? It is the image of the thigh gaps, the very skinny physique, the full-faced makeup individual, which has blonde hair or full black hair. This is the image that the media and society has ingrained beauty to be in our minds. THAT is beauty and I want to tell you all that beauty doesn’t have to be THAT.
We judge each other based on our looks, but what does that tells us about society? Instead of criticizing why don’t we learn to embrace what is out of the norm. People should feel beautiful without consequences without feeling weird or rejected from society. Feeling beautiful is such good feeling; we want young women to feel confident to feel empowered and that they of course matter. See how this plays with the mind because often times its OUR own mind that tells us how we should look like. I believe that the standards of beauty need to change. There are so many beautiful people, but no one particular image should be overpowering the others. There is a struggle with one own mind in feeling confident and beautiful. I look at as if it were tug of war one side being the accepted societal image and the other side being one’s own unique image. It’s a battle that must be fought for because many girls fall into the accepted image and there are consequences that have hurt many girls. Even guys at times lose the battle as well.
There are so many young girls who have difficulty in trying to fit in so they begin to starve themselves, watching what they eat, become bulimic, or workout excessively and sometimes it’s all of the above. All these things are unhealthy. Why the ridicule? Why the bullying? It doesn’t help that little comments like “I’m so fat” or “I can’t eat pizza I need to watch what I eat” become normal. This isn’t healthy nor is it normal. We need to stop with this culture. The key is building one’s confidence to feel both beautiful internally and externally. Know that the women in the magazines are not as real as you think many are retouched, photoshopped, have hair and makeup done professionally, and have unhealthy body proportions. If we keep allowing this accepted image to continue we are reproducing this image to the future generation and I can’t imagine how unhealthier it can become.
Why do people force themselves to go to extreme lengths to look a certain way? I ask why do you think they do this? Its because of societal pressures, of course that is not always the answer everyone has their own story and in no way does this answer apply to all, but for some it could be due to do that for the pressure to fit in. This is especially common for women who are pre-teens and teenagers. They want to fit in and not become secluded or be labeled as weird. The game or I like to call it the battle begins and women fall to the accepted image. We keep holding on to the rope trying to win and show that we have conquered the game, but it keeps on repeating. The other side becoming stronger and stronger with each game.
We keep maturing as we get older and being a teenager is hard enough. These young ladies are in a vulnerable state of their lives because they are growing up and are susceptible to what friends want or need rather than focusing on oneself. This of course doesn’t apply to all, but I look at it as a game of ring around the rosies. Everyone is holding hands with another happy with the group of people in a circle, but once the song ends the circle falls apart and the person is alone. The circle could represent societal standards the people in the circle could represent friends, media, even family. The fall and separation with others could represent the inner struggle with one’s own mind feeling isolated. It could also be the other way around. Again this analogy could be difficult to understand and that is okay. Try creating your own analogy; for me it makes sense to make it seem like that because I used to play that game. It’s crucial for society to focus beauty as an interior beauty. I like how models are accepting and are expressing that the standards of beauty should vary within culture and different parts of the world. We need to realize that we live in a world full of ambition and consumerism there is always someone trying to sell something for us so that we become more inclined to buy. Sadly the media/society is selling us that image.
I think what is most beautiful is one’s own personality and character.
As you have read through my post, I hope you are realizing that you are beautiful and it maybe difficult to reject the norms that society has ingrained within us. As a college student, I see a lot of women really confident and proud of how they look. It brings a smile to my face because they aren’t assimilating. They know they are unique and beautiful even without makeup, with their weight, and with their personality. Its good to feel confident and have an ego no one should tell you otherwise because once you feel confident you will see the world in a different way.
When I was a teenager I struggled with beauty. I am 5’2 rather short and curvy. I have a young facial complexion and have wide feet. I don’t have abs at all even though I run and my shoulders are broad. I had felt that my body was disproportionate and I was very careful with what I wore. I never considered myself beautiful because I didn’t see appearance as a big thing. I would not do my hair and never wore makeup. I just didn’t see beauty as something in the exterior, which is a good mindset to have, but the problem was that I was not confident in myself or saw myself beautiful in either forms-exterior and interior. This is where I wish I had been stronger because I do consider myself beautiful in the outside and in the inside. I try my best for my character to shine through. I now do put makeup. I style myself and I feel confident because I have that mindset of feeling like I matter. Feeling beautiful should not be considered as being conceited. There will always be people, who will have good or bad opinions, but it is up to US to feel proud and confident in whom we are no matter what others say. I am not going to deny that sometimes I don’t feel beautiful it’s that inner struggle with myself that many young ladies my age struggle with. But I remind myself that I am a strong independent and beautiful woman. The definition of beauty should be different for everyone. I still feel uncomfortable embracing certain parts of my body or even have the confidence to call them beautiful. Even now, I am still playing a game of ring around the Rosies and tug of war, but I make sure that I end up winning and the standards or stereotypical image end up falling/losing.
I hope that my story inspires you to be proud of your own worth. I hope that this post inspires discussion and one by one we can start increasing young women’s confidence and beauty perspectives. Everyone is unique and we should embrace the differences within us rather than try to fit into an image that doesn’t reflect who we are.
The definition of beauty has changed all throughout time. Hopefully it will keep changing toward a positive body image and many different perspectives of beauty.
You are beautiful and are worth so much.Remember to know that you are not alone and there are people that can help.